Mediation Leads to Reconciliation

There are two 6th grade girls having a major conflict in the last several months.  It has been affecting the classroom, and their families.  I have been involved only in the past few weeks, but after meeting with each girl individually, I see that both have hurt feelings and both have said unkind words.  We as Student Services would like to set up a reconciliation meeting with the girls, which will happen tomorrow.  I will be meeting with one of the parents, each girl separately, and then both girls together alongside the main middle school counselor.  After I took notes on  several meetings about our approach, these are the main points I will touch on with each student.  Maybe it's idealistic...  I think with obstinate students, this would be difficult.  However, I think these two students will have no problems.   But... I'll find out after tomorrow!  

RECONCILIATION MEETINGS

·    Each student should feel valued and validated

·     Each student should have an understanding that relationships are important

o   Relational tree; "If one branch gets ignored, others notice, and it is not healthy for you."

·      Each student has a responsibility in the problem

o   “What did I do to hurt the other person?"  "What can I do to make this better?"

·      Each student should understand how to handle conflict in a positive way 

o   Value the other person

o   Taking responsibility for your part in the situation

o   Apologizing and accepting the other person’s apology

·      Modeling an Apology

o   What is your part in the situation that may have hurt the other student

o   How would you say that to the other student?

o   What can you do to treat the other person better?

o   How would you say that to the other student? (I agree to, I agree not to…)

·      Modeling Accepting an Apology

o   The other student may say, “I did not treat you well, and I’m sorry about that.”

o   What would you say?

o   The other student says “I will agree to not isolate you” “…tease you” “…talk bad about you”

o   What would you say?

What will happen, and what will not happen:

We are not going to discuss the things that may or may not have happened, and we are not going to bring up new issues.  

This is a time to value the other student, take responsibility for your actions, apologize, and accept an apology.