Sound Advice

“No one gets holy by accident,” is a phrase pastor Matt Chandler uses often in his sermons.  Even though I know this to be true, I still often live my life in waiting— waiting to become holy—rather than taking action when God is calling me to.

I’m currently on a 90 day Journey with Paul (via Beth Moore).  So far, the study has been so-so, mostly because I’m on vacation and my lazy mode is in high gear.  However, this morning’s study proved to be helpful and convicting.

I read Acts 5 about Gamaliel, who stopped the Pharisees from killing the apostles and said, “Keep away from these men and let them alone, for if this plan or this undertaking is of man, it will fail; but if it is of God, you will not be able to overthrow them. You might even be found opposing God!”

I was asked to consider who has spoken into my life, and what I respect about them, and who has given me godly advice.  There were many people that rushed my memories, many moments I was guided in the right direction, many faults that had to be uncovered and the difficult conversations that ensued. Honesty, Willingness, & Obedience are the three words that came up out of what I respected about those people.

I saw it beneficial for me to take a moment to meditate on the all the good works the Lord has done in my life, and all the godly people who have spoke to my heart and soul.  I pray I become like them, because they are like my Lord.

So, may you reflect in similar ways…

1. Who are some people who have greatly influenced your life, and what do you respect about them?
2. Name one or two of the best pieces of godly advice you have received?  What has God enabled you to do (or protected you from doing) as a result of knowing and applying this? 

Hunger Games... In China?

During our wonderful vacation in Beijing, we heard that one of the cinemas in the area was playing Hunger Games.  Ben and I had recently read the series and was excited to see the movie, however we never thought it’d come to China, simply because of the nature and meaning of the content.  We made it to the movie theatre via bus, subway, taxi, and walking…  it seemed the sea had to part for us to actually get to the theatre, even though we didn’t know when the movie was playing, or even if the movie was playing.  I’ve learned that even the simplest things here become cultural experiences.

Which leads me to the actual reason for this blog.

As we sat in the packed theatre to watch this film, I realized more than ever that we are foreigners, watching a foreign movie.  Chinese characters appear on the bottom of the screen (since the movie is in English).  I can’t read the characters, so eventually I don’t really see them anymore.  There is continual noise in the theatre, not just a whisper to a neighbor or a cough here and there.  No, I mean, cell phones, people talking at normal volume, and (what really poked at my heart tonight) laughter at inappropriate times in the movie.  

Now, remember, when I say, “inapproprate” that’s with my cultural lens. What is inappropriate to me, is not what is inapprorate to a Chinese person.  What offends a Chinese person may not offend me.  

With that being said, (and understood in the back of my head the entire movie), I could not shake this bothersome feeling.  Someone gets killed on the screen, and laughter errupts throughout the theatre.  A character realizes, “I’ve been dead this whole time, I never stood a chance.” And again, laughter consumes the crowded space.  My first thought is, “How could they be laughing?”  I began to see the people beside me as barbarians, much like the “Capitol” in the movie, watching people die for their laughter and entertainment.  As much as I hate this thought, if I’m honest with myself (and you), I must admit that it crossed my mind.  However, my heart opened a bit as my second thought struck hard, “Well, I’m in a theatre, watching people die for my entertainment…”

I’m not sure what that says about me, but I’ll let that hang in the air for a bit.  

Finally, by the end of the night, I settled on a couple possiblities for the “inapproriate” laughter. 

1). Maybe this movie is not translating well.   

2). Maybe the laughter was nervous laughter, of not knowing how to respond.

3). Maybe Chinese culture responds differently to sadness & tragedy.

4). Maybe those around me did not understand the conent of the movie to be one of sadness & tragedy.

5). Maybe the Chinese actually thought it was funny.

No matter the reason, I was glad for the cultural experience because it made me look deep into my own heart.  Even while seeing an American movie based on an American novel, I cannot retreat from the culture I live in, nor can I escape the sinful and ignorant parts of my heart.

End of the Year Traditions

Towards the end of the year, there are events that happen with the elementary and secondary schools.  This picture below is Ben and myself at the elementary art gala.  Each elementary student gets to choose one art work to feature at the gallery.  Some of them were very fun (…hilarious) and interesting (…unrecognizable).

The end of the year also holds many traditions for our school.  One of them, is taking the all-school photo.  It’s a bit crazy, as we have over 400 students now and over 200 staff.  You can’t really see anyone in the photo until it’s blown up and on the wall, but so you get the point, here it is. Toward the back, left is a poster that says “TIM.”  Tim is a elementary boy, and staff members’ child who died in an accident last year. 

Can you find me and Ben. Clue: we are on oposite sides of the picture.

Another tradition is reavealing the “House” winner.  We have 4 houses in our school, and the purpose is to separate the students into a house and do competions, games, and crazy spirit days.  Points are awarded for each event (I’m the point keeper, and house event coordinator) and there is a house winner at the end of each year. The houses are named after M’s in China, Taylor, Goforth, Liddell, Morrison.  The winner this year, was Goforth.  You can’t see the picture super well, but here are all of the students in Goforth (with a sign in the back, giving the point value…although you can’t really read it).

Another reoccuring event is the all-staff dinner at Le Meridien (5 star) hotel buffet.  YUM!!   It’s quite the sad event, however, because every staff member leaving gets a chance to say a few words, and one of their friends stands with them to say encouraging words about them.  By the end of the night, tears have come, and memories reminisced.  Here’s  a picture of some of my greatest friends.  Kathryn, on the right bottom corner, is leaving.  It is her first year in Qingdao, but her visa does not allow her to stay.  She will be moving to the Tianjin school, and although we will still see each other, it obviously won’t be the same.  All the other ladies in this photo are staying at our school.  Jen Brown on the far back left is a dear friend, and next to her is Stacey, who I talk about often.  I’m getting to know Sara very well, (middle in the white) and I just adore her kids!

There is also a goodbye dinner for the foreign ladies leaving.  We had dinner at "Canvas," an awesome restaurant that cooks amazing western food!!  Here are most of the foreign women in our company.

Another tradition (on the last day of school, when the kids have left), there is a staff softball game!  The game was filled with excitement, surprising hits from some “older” staff members, some amazing catches from some “unathletic” members, and of course a few injuries.  It was a great 2 hours (and our team won! Not really any thanks to me).

And finally, here is a fun picture of Ben and “the guys” for a paintball adventure for a friend’s birthday.  I definitely was not there, but he had a great time (and received a few wounds).  

When Cultures Collide

There are few things that go as deep and as personal as culture.  It’s the lens in which one views the world, the way others are perceived, the values that are held close. Culture goes deep enough to define identity, and is strong enough to form lifelong bonds.  As I wrestle with thoughts of culture, I wonder what happens when cultures collide, not just within a country or even within a school. What happens when cultures collide within one person’s body, within one person’s soul?

This weekend, I was privileged to be taught by Josephine Kim, a Korean-American woman who received her PhD in counselor education from University of Virginia.  She currently teaches at Harvard and has a non-profit organization called Mustard Seed Generation, which helps struggling Koreans and Korean-Americans.  She is one of the few bi-lingual Korean-American counselors in the U.S.  In 2007, she was the main counselor/consultant involved in the aftermath of the Virginia Tech shooting, since Seung-Hui Cho was Korean-American. 

We covered a variety of topics over 2 intensive days.  These topics were hot-spots for us; topics that need to be discussed, but often are not; topics that are difficult, offensive, personal, and seemingly impossible to implement….

• How to reach TCK’s—Third Culture Kids 
• National staff and foreign staff relationships
• The “Speaking English Only” policy at our school 
• (The only time the staff interact with the Korean language is to give a punishment. What does that say to our Korean students?)
• Respect ...and what that means for different cultures
• Korean Suicide Rates 
• (Number 1 in the world. After a Korean celebrity committed suicide, 7,000 Koreans committed suicide within a 2 month time span)
• The generational gap, especially between Asian parents and their children
• At ISQ, should Bible classes be optional or mandatory?  Does this inoculate them to the Gospel?
• Asian Fail - An Asian student receiving a grade lower than their parent's (or their own) standard.



If you google "Korean Father" you may get
images like this one.  Josephine showed these
images to Korean fathers, and they were
floored, mortified, and saddened.

• Embracing culture vs. tolerating culture
• Creating a safe space for cultural competency
• **The danger of “the single story” 
• The normal Korean family model
• **How to teach empathy to our students (and how to model it) 
• Oppression (in forms that we would never think of)
• Cultural sensitivity and appropriateness

I walk away humbly from this seminar, because… not only do I “not know it all,” but really, I’m not sure of anything.  As Jerry Jones (our wonderful consultant for the school) explained, “I have to be understanding of my own ignorance,” which spoke volumes to me, because he’s been in China for nearly 10 years and seems to have it down pretty well.  

When I got a moment to speak to Josephine, I said, “There’s so much that I don’t know.  I’m so new at what I do.  And right now, I really hate being an American.  I was never taught to think globally.  I never even related to my own culture, I never thought of myself as ‘an American.’ Now, all of the sudden, I have this culture that is so deep and so ingrained in me… Everything I do is ‘American.’ The way I think, the way I behave, the way I believe that I have it all together and that I’m right.  My way is right and your way is wrong.  I was taught by my own culture to be ethnocentric, and I don’t know how to be any different.”

In the seminar, we had about 20 people… White Americans, Koreans, Korean-Americans, Chinese, and an Australian. There were so many different view-points and at times wounded souls in the room.  At the end of the day, I talked with my Chinese friend before we left.  I asked for her thoughts, but she was still processing so much information that she couldn’t formulate much into words.  But what she did say was insightful, “I felt very uncomfortable.  I cannot just speak what I’m thinking, because people are poking at my wounds and asking me to share about this personal thing. I’m not ready to talk about it.”   

Like I said in the beginning...There are few things that go as deep and as personal as culture. 

My Chinese friend and I agreed to go out for coffee soon to discuss some of these things… building a bridge to start the conversation, start the healing and start the growing…  

This weekend was very powerful, and I hope that we can carry these hopes, emotions, and dreams into building something that will last in our students and staff.  Please pray for that in our school… And in my life.

_______

** PLEASE spend a moment to watch these videos.  They were very important to me this weekend as I processed all these things.

Barking up the wrong tree, ...and other idioms that don't work

This entire year, one of the big ideas that I’ve been learning is how to communicate clearly and effectively.  One large barrier to this with my students is my common use of idioms. 

First, a definition of an idiom:

id·i·om [id-ee-uhm]

noun - an expression whose meaning is not predictable from the usual meanings of its constituent elements, as kick the bucket  or hang one's head,  or from the general grammatical rules of a language, as the table round  for the round table,  and that is not a constituent of a larger expression of like characteristics.

1.  a language, dialect, or style of speaking peculiar to a people
2. a construction or expression of one language whose parts correspond to elements in another language but whose total structure or meaning is not matched in the same way in the second language.

Here are just a few of the idioms I’ve used this year, and the confused responses I received from my students, especially the Chinese and Korean students.

“I’m under the gun.”   (Pause, plus disturbed look from student) “What gun?”

“Play it by ear” (Laughter) “What are we doing with our ears?”

“Close, but no cigar” (No response)

“Well, let me play devil’s advocate for a moment… do you know what that means?” “…no.”

“Don’t beat a dead horse” (Laughter) “What? Mrs. Westby, you’re crazy.”

“I’m running around like a chicken with its head cut off” “Um…Why?”

“The ball is in your court” (Confused look) “What ball?”

“It’s like water off a duck’s back” (No expression) “What does that mean?

So, as you can see, using an idiom, or at time even a metaphor, is not to my advantage while counseling students, much less having any kind of conversation with students.

For fun, this past week, I went on a quest one lunch period to find Korean Idioms.  Here’s the most popular ones that I heard (obviously translated into English):

“Eating a rice cake lying down” and “Eating cold soup” both mean “It’s really easy.”

“You’ve lost your cow but still finish the barn” means “You’re trying to fix something after it has already gone wrong.”

So, morals of the story:

1.  Every culture has their own idioms, which is a really cool thing.
2. Idioms are really not translatable in an easy way, unless you want to explain it…which is the opposite goal of using an idiom in the first place.
3. If you want to communicate effectively to Asian high school students, don’t use idioms.