Airports are my Friend

Airline flight numbers are rattled off in Chinese on the intercom…. And I recognize the numbers!  I listen… Nope, that’s not our flight.  I find our flight number on the TV screen, and I notice the area to get our tickets is not yet manned.  I know that no one ever mans these booths until one hour before the flight.  I look at the time.  3 hours to kill before we can even get our tickets…  Time for KFC and a little downtime while my students work on homework! 

This weekend, I was travelling…again.  Since August, I have taken 4 weekend trips and one week long vacation!  There is only one more weekend trip to go for this first semester.  I never thought I’d travel this much.  I never expected to get use to airports, much less navigate one in China! 

The trip I took this weekend was to Tianjin, a city I have been to before!  I was asked to go about two weeks before the trip.  Although I had short notice, I understood that God knew what he was doing.  I accompanied 2 students to a spiritual weekend retreat, hosted in the city Tianjin.  Other ISC schools met us there, and I could tell God was working.  The retreat was a success on multiple levels, but what I’d like to focus on for this blog, is how the retreat aided my heart.

If you’ve read my last blog, you’d understand that recent times have been difficult as God has been teaching me and molding me.  When I was asked to go on this trip, my initial heart reaction was, “I really just want to have a lazy weekend!”  With everything going on at work and at home, I thought God could speak to me most after a long night of rest, some morning reflections, and maybe some coffee while I listen to God in my pajamas and in silence.

Instead, I got about 6 hours of sleep each night from Thursday to Sunday.  I was around 60 screaming teenagers for 17 hours each day.  However, I did get some coffee.   The weekend was insane!  Along with all of the craziness, though… I also got to praise my God with 60 teenagers, and often yell at the lunch table, “I love Jesus, yes I do, I love Jesus how ‘bout you?!”  I got to serve alongside 12 students who gave up their weekend to serve other students.  I got to meet and talk with amazing staff members that spoke into my life.  I got to see a great friend who never ceases to be a blessing! Finally, I got to meet my God in a chapel service that was meant to reach the students…. God decided to also reach me.

The weekend was not what I wanted.  However, the weekend was what God knew I needed.  Despite the craziness and lack of sleep, my soul is restored.  I can enter this week with thanksgiving, and sit in his presence with praise in my heart.

Truth is more important...

Last week, I received an email that our school will be having a visiting counselor for any staff that would like some time to process through personal issues.  Since I’m a counselor, I’m all for seeing one!  I’ve never really been one to hide issues or feel embarrassed if I need to talk about them.  However, I always leave room in case it doesn’t “work out.”  I let Ben know that I’ll be leaving on the 5:00 bus, unless I don’t think he’s a good counselor, and I’ll try to rush our session and leave on the 3:45 bus.  :) That’s me trying to be logical with my time.  

Well, he was in fact a great counselor, and it was well worth my time.  I’ll spare you all the details of the session, but I’m so glad that I got to process through all the transition I’ve been in.  Personally, I think our school needs at least a part time counselor for our staff… it seems very much needed. But that’s beside the point.

Because the counselor and I spent some time talking on a professional level as well, he felt as if he could speak counselor to counselor.  At the end of our session, he said, “I’m going to say something very un-counselor like.” He paused as he carefully chose his words, “Your life sucks right now. And I’m glad I’m not you.”  I laughed at his comment, ...and I realized what he did was actually a very counselor like thing to do, as he was trying to disengage and allow me enough humor to move on.  He continued to say, “You’re in the middle of transition. You’re in the middle of the wilderness.”  I finished his sentence and said (just like I’ve said to dozens of other people) “…and there’s no 3 step process or book that’s going to fix me.”  “That’s right,” he said.  “You are right where you should be. In the wilderness.” Then we said at the same time, “It doesn’t help, but it’s the truth.”  As I laughed at our simultaneous statement he ended our conversation with, “That’s okay that it doesn’t help.  It’s the truth.  And the truth is more important than feeling helped.”

Feeling Grumpy

Nothing bad happened. Maybe I was a bit more tired than usual today, but I didn't forget anything today.  No one really got on my nerves. The day came and went, probably smoother than a lot of other days this semester.  I finished Pinyin today in Chinese class... this is definitely something to be celebrated.  I ate my husband's great chili for lunch, I had good conversations with people...

...But today, I was grumpy.

I don't think anyone noticed.  I tend to just stay by myself when I'm in these moods.  But I knew I was tired, and annoyed, not any one, but just at life.  Days like today make me wish I could choose to stay home because I don't know if I did anyone good by being outside of my apartment.

On the bus back home, I checked my heart.  Is there something wrong?  Did I get enough sleep last night?  Did someone hurt my feelings?  Am I enjoying my job?  Everything seemed to check out OK... so there was only one thing to do.

Stop being grumpy!

Yes, I can choose to NOT be grumpy.  I can choose NOT to be annoyed.  I can choose to love and act selflessly, even when I do NOT feel like it.  When I got home, I could have done many things to slap a band-aid on my grumpiness.  But I knew I would just bleed out until Ben came home... and then it wouldn't be pretty from there, either.  Instead, I listened, and I learned, and I was convicted, and I prayed.   (I also slept for 20 minutes and had a bit of chocolate... those things can help, too!)  Here's some of what I watched to heal my soul from being selfish, grumpy, and annoyed.

Matt Chandler:

Beth Moore:

The New Normal

It’s October 23^rd, and the weather is still beautiful. 

I just need a long sleeve, sometimes a jacket, and I can still wear flip-flops.  I realized today that I love to take the bus into town on Sunday mornings.  Ben and I always get a seat—it’s never a busy bus on Sunday mornings.  We sit, we talk, we stare out onto the ocean. It’s only a 20 minute ride on a somewhat-dirty Chinese bus, but I really enjoy it. 

Life in China is officially normal. 

I’m illiterate here, and I’m doing just fine.  I can have a 2-minute conversation in Chinese with a 5 year old, but that’s all.  I’m okay with that for now.  Cheese is our food of choice for excitement.  Cheese and crackers, cheese and apples, cheese on top of anything.   Cheese is expensive here, but we still love it, and now that is normal.

I’m learning how to connect with high school students. 

Some want help, some don’t.  Some want help but want you to work really hard for their trust.  One girl recently sat in my office, obviously hurting, but looked at her watch and said, “I’m going to sit here for 17 more minutes, but you can’t make me tell you anything.”  Another girl runs to my office and says, “I can’t wait to tell you what happened this week.”  I’m learning how to express ideas, how to listen, how to adapt counseling ideas to fit this culture.   I wouldn’t trade this job for anything.

I’m learning the basics of my faith. 

I am now working with the High School youth group on Friday nights. Most of the students that come are from our school.  Jason, another teacher at the school, gave the talk for last week’s youth group.  He talked about what our personal relationship with Him should look like, and how to define it. He said that we should not define our relationship with God by what we do to upkeep the relationship… we should define it by what He has already done for us on the Cross.  I was convicted by his message, realizing that I rely on routines and charts, and pretend points with God.

I’m learning to embrace distractions.

Saturday, my good friend Jen invited some of us over for a game night.  When we arrived at her apartment, I was surprised to see a foreigner I didn’t recognize. She was not from our school or our fellowship. We introduced ourselves, and quickly found out that Jen had met Nydia that day in the store. Nydia is from Dominican Republic, but had been living in NYC, and has lived in Qingdao for 4 months.  Nydia had not made a single friend.  We talked, played games, and left.  This morning (Sunday), we saw Nydia at fellowship. After talking with Jen, we found out Nydia had talked with Jen after we left and became a C.  Jen described it as: “She was just so ready!” 

If I had seen Nydia at the store, I probably would have passed right on by… 

He is teaching me everyday, and I am so thankful I am here to see it, experience it, and hopefully live it.

Sarah, The Six-Year-Old with Six-Hundred Questions

Writer's Club tonight.  We had to write a complete story in 26 sentences, each using the next letter of the alphabet.  It's a fun challenge, but I knew right away that I wanted to use a child for my story... mostly because of the excuse to make run-on sentences.  :)   Enjoy the story of Sarah, and her 600 questions. :)

A couple years ago, when I was only 6, I went through a phase of asking my mother question after question.

But I was not trying to be annoying and I really did want to know the answer to my question of why stars twinkle.

“‘Cause they just do,” mom would say.

“Do space ships run into starts?

Evan at school told me space ships blow up because of stars.”

Facts were very important to me at that age, and mom never gave it to me straight.

“Go ask your dad,” she said, almost every time! 

“How about swallowing gum?

I feel sick because Justine gave me a piece of gum yesterday and I swallowed it and she said it would be in my stomach for 7 years.”

“Justine was only kidding.”

“Kidding!” I yelled.

“Lying is more like it.

Mom, I need answers!”

Never before have I been so desperate.

“Or maybe, mom, I just need to know why stars twinkle!”

“Probably, because you are blinking.”

Question after question, the answers never seemed to fit and I was getting frustrated.

Resting for a moment, mom caught her breath like she was getting ready to say something important, and then she said it. 

“Stop… asking… questions!”

That’s when I knew my mom meant business.

Underneath all that yelling, I knew my mom wanted me to ask questions because she wanted to answer me, although she never really did.

Victory struck, though, when I asked one question that made mom leave the room.

“Where do baby’s come from?”

“Xenon; the planet Xenon,” she said quickly and walked away embarrassed.

“Yes, so there is a planet called Xenon,” I yelled to mom from the other room. 

Zealous for answers about this new planet, I kept on pressing everyday, but even though I’m 8 now, I still don’t know why the stars twinkle.